I had my colon procedure at the beginning of this month. They took 25 biopsies from along my large intestine. They also took a large chunk from a massive tumour nestled inside my intestine. Thank God, the tests on that piece of tumour came back as being a non-cancerous tumour.

Then I did a 3 hour genetic interview where we had to go over every member of the family tree. As someone with almost 0 family contact, I did my best to answer their questions. Then they took my DNA and are doing genetic testing to look for a handful of genes. 14 members of my Dad’s family have died from cancer, including him, so trying to hunt it down.

I went in originally because I am deeply, deeply ill everyday, and have a partially internal/partially external tumour I have to meet with a colorectal surgeon in 3 weeks to have scheduled for surgery. They felt they couldn’t conclude if it was cancerous or not, so just want to remove it in its entirety.

I also meet with a GI specialist to get ready for my gastroscopy and invasive tests related to my upper digestive system and esophagus, looking for the cancer that killed my Dad.

I will get my genetic results in another 2-3 weeks, according to the tracking information they gave me. I am also on deck to see a gyno to test my breasts and uterus, etc, as well as a brain and bone scan to be scheduled. They are hunting everywhere.

I will do my best to keep folks updated when it seems appropriate. If you know me though, you also know you’re more likely to get invited to my funeral than know I’m sick. I debated for a long time if I wanted to even share this here.

When you’re sick, it makes people weird. It’s weird for people who haven’t spit in my direction in the last 2-4 years to suddenly want to be in my text messages, telling me they care about me. No…you don’t. You feel GUILTY that you turned your back on me and now I’m sick. That’s your burden to carry: my load is currently heavy enough. 

Thank you, in advanced, to anyone who has a kind word to share. I am keeping my chin up, and marching along, ready to accept whatever they might find. I’ve already fought sexual abuse, homelessness, suicide attempt, sexual assault, discrimination and domestic violence: what’s #cancer, in comparison.

If they can’t find what they’re looking for, which they assume is cancer, I will be back to square 1 in identitying what is going on. Having $0 in the bank and no way to pay my bills, with my benefits on the government chopping block mid-diagnostic process, adds a wonderful layer of additional terror to this entire experience.

I will just be here, continuing to write and speak truth until they drop my ass in the grave.

❤️ JJ